We Children Always Do Grow Old

The title is actually a line from a poem written by my sister ages ago (recently found this on the Way Back Machine, so here is the proper usage: "And all that glitters is not gold: we children Always do grow old."). I proudly wrote about 1,000 words for my story last night. I thought I might do the same tonight, but the motivation isn't there. I just feel tired and drained... though there is no real reason for it.

In an odd turn of events, I've stumbled back into the past in the way of my old website. The Way Back Machine has archive some of my old posts. I thought I might share them randomly on this site. Maybe one of these days I'll just make a comprehensive archive on lyrael.com, but I'm not holding my breath. A lot of them are quite boring, honestly. It's so bizarre to me to read how important I felt my mundane life was back then what with taking so many webcam photos and writing about movies and snacks and lost friends. Odd how certain things you deal with in your life can completely destroy your self-view. Oh well... I guess my mood is strange tonight somehow, so that doesn't help the tone of this post.

Time for bed. In the meantime, enjoy a glimpse into my life in 2002 - exactly 6 years ago to the day. I am also throwing in the last webcam capture that site ever had, you know, for posterity or whatever.

July 28, 2002
"And sometimes the dark is too deep..." - me

I am not going to post the entry that this almost became yesterday... Instead I am going to switch gears and say that Patrick has done an incredible job with his new website and he even bought a webcam and seemlessly integrated his webcam pic into his page. Wow, you really kick ass Aspi! Go see his page NOW!

Here is an update from the 26th written when I got home from the gym/tanning after not sleeping all night:

I took the advice of a camwhore! Can you believe that? I guess I just needed an excuse. An excuse to hit the gym again. I know I have been lazy and making up "reasons" not to go. My sleeping schedule has been completely screwed lately. So... instead of going to sleep when the sun came up, I stayed up. I went to the gym and kicked my ass on the elliptical. It's been two months since I have been to the gym, plus I was running on no sleep, which I am sure is a bad thing. My body was exhausted after 25 minutes. I knew I shouldn't be there on no sleep, but I had to start going again, and today was the day. After that I did 3 sets of ab crunches and 2 sets of tricep presses. Anyway, my body was screaming at me to stop. I literally had no energy and I felt like I was going to puke. It was miserable. I am definitely going to sleep before I go to the gym again. Anyway, I proceeded to the locker room to wash my face, which was beat red (as always, but it got red fast and stayed that way forever this time)!

Another thing I had on my agenda for the day was tanning. I know, it's terrible for your skin! I'd never been tanning, and I always have wanted to try it, especially because I have bikini lines from the one time I was in the sun this summer, grrr! Anyway, I am usually a wuss and won't do things by myself but I am trying to overcome that. I felt so awkward being at the gym without Mike. I brought his headphones with me but they were probably more of a hassle than anything and after my cardio I just threw them in my bag. I am just tired of my shyness/introversion holding me back. I know I would normally not go to a tanning salon alone because I've been thinking about doing it all summer (well, since David's birthday actually) and keep making excuses, like "When I am in perfect shape then I'll go" or "When someone offers to go with me, then I'll go." I decided to just throw caution to the wind and go by myself. I was sweaty and red faced but I drove to the Quarry and went in anyway. And guess what!? I didn't have to pay because the first visit is complimentary! Rock on! Now, this was a very bizarre experience for me as I can't think of many times in my life that I have been totally nude in a public place. I was a little paranoid that someone was going to open the door to my little room and lift up the coffin-like lid of the tanning bed, but, thankfully (and realistically) that did not happen. I hesitantly crawled onto the bed once the lights kicked on, thinking, "you should NOT be able to see particles of light moving." It's the same thing that bothers me with black light or red LEDs. Man, that type of light is just not natural. Anyway, it was an interesting experience to say the least, and I may try it again to see if I actually tan and like it. We'll see. I am not gung ho about it. I am just glad I got the guts to do it. In fact, I feel sort of like it would be stupid for me to continue going knowing it's bad for me, but I also think "Fuck it, if you want to be tan, just do it!" Well... again, I don't want to be tan tan, I just don't want to be pasty, blindingly white for the rest of the summer. Off to bed with me as it is now noon and I want to catch some Z's so I have energy for the rest of my day.