Written July 2, 2008: I moved to New York City so I could become complacent with my life. My life here is no bigger or smaller than it's ever been - neither more nor less important.
In a way, it *feels* a little bigger because of this enormously populated, exaggeratedly important city. Everyone knows of it, speaks of it, longs to be here for one reason or another even if they're at the furthest corners of the world. Movies are filmed here, books are written here, tv shows are shot here... It's definitely recognizable, and being even slightly affiliated with a place so well-known and lusted after makes my life feel just a millimeter more significant.
But in other ways, I am much more isolated in this cut-throat, self-serving, me-first sort of city. I lost it the other night, crying to Justin and wondering if I'd ever have any real friends again.
July 4, 2008: Happy birthday, Michieru. Hope you're making the most of it!
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I know what you mean about New York city and the attitude here. Even though there are millions of people there is nothing more painful than also feeling like the loneliest person in this city too.
The sad thing is that I don't even have anyone to call my "good" or "real" friend anymore. Unless I had held onto the friendships from HS or college I don't think I will ever have the opportunity to get to spend enough time with a person ever in my life again to have someone to call my best friend (and bf's don't count).
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